Tuesday 19 May 2015

The Art of Appraisal

The Art of Appraisal


Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

jashwanth: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

jashwanth: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Jashwanth: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Jashwanth: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Jashwanth: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Jashwanth: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Jashwanth: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Jashwanth: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Jashwanth: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Jashwanth: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Jashwanth: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air.
Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Jashwanth: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Jashwanth: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Jashwanth: *faints*



Friday 15 May 2015

Don't work late nights......nice fun

Hi....

*Don’t stay late in office…. Interesting Love story!!!… Read it when you have time. Very nice story for people working late night.*

Neha opened her mail box and saw a new mail from new person

Hi Neha, I see you every night sitting in the office till very late.

Don’t you have friends? Don’t you feel like talking to your roommate?
You should not sit very late in the office. this is a genuine advice from me.

Thanks,
Rahul Mehra
———————————————————————————————–

After reading the mail, Neha was very angry on the sender. She simply deleted the mail and said to herself “who is he to give me any advice?”.
She again got back to her work.

After that night, every night Rahul would keep sending her mails and Neha would simply delete them without even reading the content of the mail. But one fine night the subject line attracted her and she had to open the mail.

The subject line of the mail was “Hi Gorgeous”.

Hi Gorgeous,

Yes today you are looking very gorgeous in this red saree. I know you don’t read my mails as you don’t like the advices I give you.

So today I wont give you any advice, I will just say that I am love with you. You know you are very beautiful and if you take care of yourself many men will fall in love with you.

I am sure someday you will also fall in love with me. And then we will go out for a date.

Oh before I end the mail I must tell you that the best thing about is that smile. Or is it those intense which needs some sleep at the moment.

Take care dear.
Love you.
Rahul Mehra.
———————————————————————————————–
After reading the mail she was shocked. A person she had never met, never seen, never spoke to was saying that he was in love with her.
She started thinking was this always in his mind. How did he get her id?
Where had he seen her? Many questions like this came in her mind.
Finally she thought of giving a warning and replied to his mail.

Hi Rahul,

I don’t want to spoil your career but if you don’t stop sending me mails I will raise an ASHI against you.

Thanks and Regards,
Neha Jain
———————————————————————————————–

After this mail, the mails from Rahul stopped coming in Neha’s inbox.
She thought that finally Rahul has got scared and wont be mailing her again.

After several nights, Neha was resting on her chair and her eyes closed.
When she opened her eyes she saw Rahul’s mail in her mailbox.

Hi Gorgeous,

With your closed eyes you were dreaming about me, right? Oh sorry for not sending any mails in the last few days.

I was a little busy. I am sure you would have missed me a lot.

One more thing before I forget I want to say that I am not scared of ASHI.

An ASHI cant be a reason to stop loving you.

Love you.
Rahul Mehra
———————————————————————————————–

Neha was twisting her hair and putting them behind her ears. At that moment itself another mail came from Rahul,

Hi Gorgeous,

Now stop playing with your hair and leave the office. it is very late.

Love.
Rahul Mehra
———————————————————————————————–

Neha was shocked as to how did this person know what she was doing on her desk. She got up to check whether anyone was there in her floor but could find only empty cubicles. She thought maybe he made a wild guess and decided to leave the office. before leaving she saw another mail from Rahul.

Hi Neha,

Searching for me??? You have started falling in love with me. J

Love you.

Rahul Mehra
———————————————————————————————–

Neha was shocked and scared to hell. She simply switched off her machine and ran outside the office. in the next few days she would not open any mails sent by Rahul. One night a mail with subject line “Don’t be scared of me” came to her mailbox. First she thought to ignore the mail then she thought lets see what has Rahul written this time.

Hi Neha,

Don’t be scared of me. I can say that you are scared of me because of the way you ran out from the office the last time you read my mail.

I know few minutes back you had gone to have coffee. You are thinking how I know this because I can feel you around me.

Only once you also start feeling me you will know that I am near to you.

Very near. Just sitting next to you.

I will wait for the night when you start having the same feelings for me.

Will always love you.

Rahul Mehra
———————————————————————————————–

Now Neha started thinking was Rahul really in love with her? What he was saying was it true? But how could he know so much about her? How could he

say what she was doing and what not? Neha thought lets give a try and see whether Rahul is always in love with her or not. From that night she also

started replying to his mail.
———————————————————————————————–

Hi Neha,

Do you feel bad if I call you gorgeous?

Love you.

Rahul Mehra
———————————————————————————————–

Neha’s reply:

Yes Rahul. I don’t like this word.

You can address me as Neha, isn’t it short and simple. and I love my name

a lot.

Thanks and Regards,

Neha Jain
———————————————————————————————–

Rahul’s reply:

Point noted Neha. But when I am happy, excited I would call you with some

special name at that time.

Tomorrow you have your certification so all the best for that.

Love you.

Rahul Mehra
———————————————————————————————–

Neha was again shocked as to how does he know about her certification. She

had never told him. She replied Rahul,

Who is the person who is giving you details about me? I had not told you

about my certification how do you know it?

Thanks and regards,

Neha Jain
———————————————————————————————–

Rahul replied back to her

I know it because I in front of you. Cant you see me? Cant you feel me

close to you?

I also know that after 3 days you have your appraisal. Now this you have

not told anyone. Just your PM knows about it.

Do you think your PM will give me all these details?

Love you.

Rahul Mehra
———————————————————————————————–

Neha not sure of the answer. She knew her PM would not have told Rahul all this but how did Rahul know so much about her was a mystery for her.

Finally she thought she will talk to her PM, Rohan.

Next day, she went to her PM’s desk.

“Hi Rohan. I wanted to ask you something”.

Rohan:- “Sure Neha. Are having any issues?”

Neha:- “No. actually I wanted to know about a person named Rahul Mehra.”

Rohan was shocked on hearing that name. PM:- “How did you come across this

name. has anyone told you about him?”

Neha:- “No one has said anything to me about him. Few days back he started

sending me e-mails. First I ignored but then he would give such details

which I did just few minutes back. He even knows my appraisal date.”

Rohan:- “Are you sure you got mails from Rahul Mehra only?”

Neha:- “Yes very much. But why do you looked shock?”

Rohan:- “Because Rahul Mehra died 2 years back. He use to sit at the same

place where you are sitting. How can a dead person send mails to you.”

Neha was shocked. She didn’t know how to react to this.

Rohan:- “If you don’t believe me then you can try finding his name in the

telephone directory. Maybe someone told you about him and because of work

stress you started imagining that he is sending you mails.”

Neha:- “I am not imagining anything. He has really send me a mail. I can

show you in my mailbox.”

Rohan:- “Okay Neha I believe you but still I think you should take a break

and go home.”
———————————————————————————————–

Neha was still in shock with the news she got from Rohan. She just did a search on telephone directory for a name with Rahul Mehra and page Returned no records. She again checked the mail id and employee number details. She did a search many times that day by putting various combinations but the Search page displayed the same message “No matches found for the given search criteria”. She could not believe that someone could hack the system and send mails to her from an non-existing id. She attached the mails sent by Rahul and sent it to Rohan as a proof that she was not dreaming.

On seeing the attached mails even Rohan was in shock. He came to Neha’s desk.

Rohan:- “I think by mistake his id has not been deleted and someone who knows about it is playing with it.”

Neha:- “But I checked the details on telephone directory there are no records available for this id.”

Rohan:- “Talk to the CCD people and see what they have to say.”

She called up the CCD people. They took control over her system and looked at the mail sent by Rahul Mehra. The mail was sent from the from the same computer which Neha was using. The time stamp at which the mails were sent Neha had logged in. Also there was no evidence that a remote desktop connection was made or mail was sent through web mail. Even the CCD people were clueless as to how a mail has been sent from a non-existing id and from Neha’s system itself.

There were no viruses or torjans or any other kind of threats on Neha’s system. Her anti-virus was upto date. The whole day was gone in finding a loophole as to how did Neha get such a mail in her mailbox. Neha was tierd from the day’s happening and so she decided to leave early from the office that day.

The next day when Neha came back, she saw a mail from Rahul Mehra. She didn’t know whether she should delete that mail or read that mail. She was scared to open the mail. Somehow she gained some courage and opened the mail. The context of the mail was:- ———————————————————————————————–

Hi Neha,

Good to see that you left the office early tonight. I know Rohan told you about my death.

I was also a workaholic like you. I would sit late in the office, even when no one was around me.

I just being at office. I had no friends, no social life. Even on weekends I would use to come to office.

I missed all the fun in my life. Even my death happened at office while I was working.

My dead body was found by the house keeping guy and the security guard at the reception.

I took a lot of work stress which my conscious mind could not bear that day. I ignored all the health problems I was having.

And finally on that night (20. 10. 09, 11:24 PM) all these reasons became responsible for my death.

Now you know why I am not scared of ASHI.

But yes if I was alive then also I wont be scared of ASHI because I have really fallen in love with you but we cant be together until your death.

Now the choice is yours whether you will kill yourself on your own or whether I need to do the honors.

Waiting for your death. Love you always.
Rahul Mehra

*Some love stories have ghost in it…*

*A fiction…but it’s nice to read when u have the time ….kind of scarrrrrry
toooooooo…*


Thursday 14 May 2015

"బగ్గు"వద్గీత - బగ్గులు ఎందుకు వస్తాయంటే?

కలియుగాంతం ఆసన్నమయింది, బ్రహ్మ తర్వాత యుగానికి శ్రీకారం చుట్టడానికి ఈ సారి వెరైటీగా కంప్యూటర్ లో సృష్టి మొదలు పెడదాం అనుకున్నాడు.
అనుకున్నదే తడవుగా ప్రాక్టీస్ కోసం ఏదైనా సాప్ట్ వేర్ కంపనీ లో చేరదాం అని నిర్ణయించుకొన్నాడు. తనతో పాటు ఇంకొంత మంది దేవుళ్ళని కూడా ప్రాక్టీస్ కి అహ్వానించాడు.

బ్రహ్మ సాప్ట్ వేర్ డెవలపర్ గా జాయిన్ అయ్యాడు. సాప్ట్ వేర్ ని సృష్టించటం బ్రహ్మ పని. బ్రహ్మండంగా కోడింగ్ మొదలుపెట్టాడు. కాని అప్పుడప్పుడు అలవాటులో పొరపాటు గా బగ్గులు కూడా వచ్చేవి.
బ్రహ్మ సృష్టించిన బగ్గుల వల్ల ప్రాజెక్ట్ కేమి సమస్యలు రాకుండ కాపాడడం, స్థితి కారకుడైన విష్ణువు పని కాబట్టి విష్ణు మూర్తి బ్రహ్మ కి టీం లీడర్ గా జాయిన్ అయిపోయాడు.

లయ కారకుడైన మహేశ్వరుడు కూడా టెక్నికల్ డైరెక్టర్ లాగా జాయిన్ అయ్యి బ్రహ్మ, విష్ణువులు సృష్టించి, కాపాడుతూన్న (మెయింటైన్ చేస్తున్న ) ప్రాజెక్ట్ లన్ని లయం(స్క్రాప్) చేస్తూ ఉండెవాడు. పొద్దున్న "C" లో చేసిన ప్రాజెక్ట్ ని స్క్రాప్ చేసి సాయంత్రం "C++" లో చేయమనే వాడు. తర్వాత రోజు దానిని స్క్రాప్ చేసి "java" లో చేయమంటూ తన ధర్మాన్ని నిర్వర్తించేవాడు.

ఈ రకం గా ప్రాజెక్ట్ లన్నీ స్క్రాప్ అవడం తో విసుగు చెందిన విష్ణు మూర్తి, బాగా ఆలోచించి ఇంకా కొంతమందిని టీం లో పెట్టుకుని ఒక్కక్కరి చేత ఒక్కో టెక్నాలజీ లో ప్రాజెక్ట్ డెవలప్ చేయించి ఈ సారి అయినా ప్రాజెక్ట్ "OK" చేయించుకోవలని అనుకున్నాడు. వెంటనే కృష్ణావతారం లో తన అనుంగు మితృడైన అర్జునుడిని, అర్జునుడి కన్నా ప్రతిభా పాటవాలు కల ఏకలవ్యుడిని టీం లో జాయిన్ చేసుకున్నాడు.

ఏకలవ్యుడు ఏ పని ఇచ్చినా తన శక్తి సామర్ధ్యాలతో వెంటనే పూర్తి చేసేసేవాడు. ఒక వేళ తనకి ఆ టెక్నాలజీ రాకున్నా, ఆ టెక్నాలజీని గురు ముఖంగా నేర్చుకోకపొయినా మనసులో గురువు గారిని ధ్యానించుకొని, గూగుల్ లో సెర్చ్ కొట్టి ప్రాక్టీస్ చేసి నేర్చేసుకొనేవాడు(కాపీ పేస్ట్ చేసేవాడు). కాని పాపం అర్జునుడు అలా కాదు. గురు ముఖంగా విననిదే ఏ టెక్నాలజీ నేర్చుకొలేకపోయెవాడు.

ఒక సారి అర్జునుడు చేసిన కోడ్ లో కుప్పలు తెప్పలు గా బగ్గులు వచ్చాయి. సాయంత్రానికి అన్ని బగ్గులు ఫిక్స్ చేయాలని విష్ణు మూర్తి డెడ్ లైన్ ఇచ్చి వెళ్ళాడు. అర్జునుడు మహా భారత యుధ్ధం లో కౌరవ సేన లా ఉన్న బగ్గులని చూసాడు. భయపడ్డాడు, విలపించాడు. అస్త్ర సన్యాసం (రాజీనామా) చేస్తున్నాని ప్రకటించాడు.

అర్జునుడి మాటలు విన్న విష్ణు మూర్తి వెంటనే కృష్ణావతారం లోకి మారిపోయి
"
అర్జునా !
బగ్గు సృష్టించేది ఎవరు, ఫిక్స్ చేసేది ఎవరు, ఇదంతా మిధ్య నాయనా!
బగ్గు ఒక్కటె శాశ్వతము, నిత్యము, సత్యము. అది అగ్నిచే కాల్చబడదు. నీటిచే తడుపడదు. కోడు చే ఫిక్స్ చేయబడదు.!
మానవుడు ఒక వస్త్రాన్ని వదలి వేరొక వస్త్రాన్ని ధరించినట్టు బగ్గు ఒక రూపాన్ని వదలి వేరొక రూపాన్ని ధరిస్తుంది.
నువ్వు ఏం బగ్గు సృష్టించావని నీవు బాధ పడుతున్నావు. ఈ రోజు నీకు అసైన్ చేసిన బగ్గు నిన్న వేరొకరికి అసైన్ కాలేదా, రేపు వేరొకరికి అసైన్ కాదా?"
అని సాప్ట్ వేర్ జీవిత (లైఫ్ సైకిల్) పరమార్ధాన్ని వివరించ గానే దుఃఖాన్ని విడచి కార్యొన్ముఖుడై బగ్గులన్ని ఫిక్స్ చేసాడు.

అప్పటి నుంచి సాప్ట్ వేర్ ఉద్యోగులందరు తమ తమ స్థానాలలో త్రిమూర్తులు, అర్జునుడు, ఏకలవ్యుడు ఏర్పరిచిన సాంప్రదాయాలని పాటిస్తూ బగ్గులని ఒక రూపం నుంచి మరొక రూపానికి మారుస్తునే ఉన్నారు.

గమనిక : ఈ కథ పది సార్లు పారాయణ చేసిన వారికి పది బగ్గులు ఏeeక్కువ వస్తాయి !!!

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Wednesday 13 May 2015

Letter by a Doctor

Letter by a Doctor  (I don't know whether he is really a doctor, but the content is real & worth-reading and worth to follow...)
  Dear All,
"In the wake of two shocking incidents that took place in Bangalore and Hyderabad, couples committing suicide because of extra-marital affairs with their colleagues.   I just thought of writing a small article on how to avoid such incidents.   This is really a serious matter and if not dealt on at an early stage could lead to such incidents in our personal life too.  I have done research on human behavior and psychology and am trying to put-in some text which may (or may not) be helpful to you.  Never-the-less I feel it's worth knowing such things and if possible every individual can make a conscious effort to more or less follow the same.
Some people don't take advice but taking good advice may do you no harm.  
Those who are not married this is the best article as before starting a new relationship if you are ready for it, will only help you to lead a happy life.
Read on….
We spend 40/45/50/60 hours a week with our colleagues.  This is the most we spend with any members of our family.  So it's obvious they are an integral part of our life.  Good, understood.  But an important point to remember is colleagues are colleagues and not friends and if you think they are friends then you are highly mistaken.  Imagine working together for 9 hours a day together and then returning home and continuing to talk with your colleague on phone.  This is what happened with that Infosys guy who could not stand this behavior of his wife and killed her and committed suicide.  Which husband would like his wife talking on phone with her colleague and that too male counterpart? Or which wife will like her husband doing the same? Just keep yourself in that situation and see.  Anger will creep in within you.
So whatever gossip or topic you want to discuss with your colleagues do it during office hours and once you are out of office forget about your work and your colleagues unless it's official matter.
Just check this unnecessary talk…
A guy and her colleague walk out of office at 6.30p.m every day.  At 7.30 or 8.00 the guy calls that female;
Guy: Hi, how are you? Where have you reached? (Don't you know how she is and where she must be at this time?)
Lady: I am fine.  Reached home!  
Guy: What are you cooking today?
Lady: So and so
(Now here the lady knows that the guy has called to flirt with her and the call is unnecessary.  It's the duty of the female to say something to avoid that guy.  If she doesn't at this stage then this call will be going for another 30-45 mins and questions like 'When will you be taking bath? What time you will sleep? What will you bring for me for breakfast for tomorrow will creep in?' and imagine the state of the family members of that lady at this point.  
They expect the lady to come and talk with them for sometime but here this lady is enjoying a talk with the guy with whom she has been working since morning.  
No wonder such people will have a horrendous married life.
A simple thing to think about is Say you are not married.  You go to office and come back say at 6.00 in the evening.  You have so much of time left.  Can't you read some books and increase your knowledge rather than spending one-two hours on mobile.  Girls can start experimenting with new dishes.  Main thing to understand is such gossiping on calls becomes on habit and bad habits die-hard.  You will be addicted to talking and this can be bad as time goes on.  One you start working you have to come out of college life.  In college you could enjoy, flirt, and do anything you wanted.  But this is real life.  Be responsible or else you will be responsible for your terrible life and the life if your husband/wife.
Any person no matter who he/she is would never like his/her wife/husband having such relationship with her/his colleagues.  
Last year 90% of divorce happened because of Extra-Marital Affairs, in that 80% because of relationships with colleagues.  And we would not like this to happen with us.  So start from now.
Guys see to it that you don't put a habit of calling you female-colleagues after office hours or on weekends or holidays, even if they provoke you or give missed calls.  Let them spend time with their family members or other friends.  You also do the same.  Good girls don't give missed calls.  And girls who give stay away from them.  You can talk as much as you want in office.  And if any guy calls a gal then it is not bad to say 'No, Let's talk in office' or 'I am busy, talk with you tomorrow' to that guy.  Do it twice and they will automatically stop calling.  Guys have this habit of flirting and you allowing them to flirt will only help them do more.  Relationships can always be maintained in right manner.  Never succumb to emotional pressure like 'You don't want to talk with me or what' or 'You can call him but you can't call me' or 'You talk for so and so time with her but with me only this much'.  Some people fall for this because they don't want to lose him/her.  Again I say colleague is not a friend.  They are just here to work and keep on moving in their life.  They go to other company, go for growth and so on.  They will not wait for you in the same office to be with you forever.  So don't be emotionally attached with your colleagues.  They are competitors and always on their toes to show you down in front of seniors and managers.  You may not realize now but this is a fact, be ready for it.
Imagine a girl getting married and someone says to her to be husband that guy over there is the one who regularly calls your wife or your wife gives missed calls or calls that guy.  Always this thing will remain on the back of his mind.  Similarly someone tells the bride that your groom always keeps calling that girl or vice-versa….  Imagine yourself at that place.  Situations arise because we allow them to.  No one can lead ideal life but we can always make a sincere effort to lead one.
Another note to be taken about: (strictly male to female and female to male contexts)
If your colleague calls you just check out whether if he calls others also and if he doesn't then find out why? No guy will call other girl if he is not interested in that girl.  In a group there can be five females but it's not necessary that a guy calls all five.  He will only call the one on whom he is interested.  Similarly, a girl will not give missed call to everyone.  If she gives then she must be really lonely.  Stay away from them or you will be caught in their loving talk.  Guys normally fall for girls because of their beauty or their talk.  So if a guy colleague comes to you and proposes you then it's not his mistake completely, it's more of yours because you were the one who used to give him that space.
Also you become a topic of gossip among your fellow colleagues if they come to know that one of their colleagues is calling you and not calling others.  And there is nothing more dangerous than office gossip.  It can cost you your job and just remember how easily you got this job.

So please keep your office and its people at office and lead a normal happy life for your good and for the good of your spouse.  Send it to your colleagues, friends, relatives, parents and everyone and avoid incidents like the one mentioned at the beginning of this article.  If you feel anyone is doing anything mentioned above then just go and tell him/her.  You will be helping someone in their life."